And Such Were Some of You: The Spiritual Care for People with Same Sex Attraction – Rev. Harold Senkbeil

Transcript (edited for readability).

Welcome back. In many ways, the conversation we started just before dinner, regarding pastoral care and homosexuals — although I too subscribe to the point that's in the testimony that we may not hear of "homosexuals," we hear of same-sex behavior and homosexual acts, which are quite different — a person who is attracted sexually to members of the same sex is not called a homosexual, but rather a Christian. That's an important thing.

So I didn't want to give you a lecture on the principles of same-sex spiritual care, but rather I wanted to give you something actually useful and practical. So I contacted a Christian brother who himself struggles with sexual temptation toward other men, and I asked him what he would like to hear in terms of spiritual care — what are his needs? So you're about to hear his voice. I'm going to call him Joe — that's not his name — but he is a real person, a brother in Christ. We have some visuals on the video here, and I'd like you to listen to him and listen carefully. He could be your son, he could be your brother, he could be you. In fact, in the process of listening to him, I think we'll all learn a great deal about the spiritual care we all need as recovering sinners.

So as you listen now, I'd like you to think about the question: what care would I bring? And I'm speaking now not just to pastors, but also to other church workers and laity, because in a way, as we witness the faith, as we bring the gospel from our vocation, whatever it is, we're providing the help that struggling sinners need. That's the kind of question we need to be asking ourselves.

Not very long ago I heard a pastor talking about homosexuality. He said, "We need to take a stand. Too many of our own kids do not understand that homosexuality is a sin. We need to be clear. We need to be clear about the law."

Pastor, do you think that unclear law is really the problem? I'm gay — I'm attracted to guys. I'm also a Christian, and I believe that the Bible limits sex to marriage between a man and a woman, and so I have chosen celibacy. There are many out there like me, and I believe I speak for many of them when I say that unclear law is simply not the problem.

At age ten, when kids called me fag, or sissy, or queer — that was not a traditional way of speaking the law, but it was the law. Fists in the face from other kids in grade school were simply childish expressions of what our own hearts were telling us — that God did not intend gay as part of his creation. In eighth grade, the kid who held his hand over my mouth and nose so that I could not breathe, and the other kids who laughed as I turned purple — that was law. The high school teacher who greeted me with "Hello, princess" in a falsetto whenever he thought he could get away with it — that was law. The fag jokes told by adult Christian men. The church's silence when other Christians celebrate the deaths of gays with obnoxious protest signs. Pastors debating same-sex marriage as if homosexuals were part of a secret agenda. Labels like "profoundly unnatural" or "perverted." Calls to boycott stores that feature gay couples — these are all law. Christian organizations canceling the performances of gay singers because of their orientation — that's law. Open letters about gay marriage, protests about the Boy Scouts allowing gay kids — that's law.

Do you believe that our church has been the least bit unclear about the law? You see, I don't need clearer law. I don't need more reasonable law. I don't need stronger law. I don't need nicer law. It doesn't work to give the law more muscle, and it doesn't work to dress it up in bows and ribbons. No matter how you put it — whether in the mouth of a pastor speaking in love, or the mouth of a kid shouting in hate — the message of the law is very, very clear: it condemns the sinner.

Pastor, what I need is hope. I need hope that somewhere there is someone who is a friend of sinners. I don't need hope that I'm going to become straight — that's not going to happen. I need the hope of forgiveness. Pastor, can you offer me that hope?

Okay. I think all of us have an idea of what we might say. I'm going to give you a sample of what I might say to Joe, as if I were talking to him right now.

"Joe, thank you for your honesty. I literally can't imagine what it's like to live in your skin, to have gone through everything that you've endured during your childhood and youth. It must be heartbreaking for you to hear calls for a sterner proclamation of God's judgment against homosexuality when you are personally already convinced that behavior is wrong and have determined to avoid that sin — when you're struggling so desperately to hear a word of encouragement and hope for your abstinence.

"I am saddened, especially to hear that you, and so many others like you who have chosen celibacy, are afraid to come to your pastors for fear of judgment and rejection. We need to be more approachable. We need to listen to your fear. We need to offer you more than a compromise — a compassion. We need to bring you genuine hope and support. And I'm speaking for all of us here, not just the pastors, but also all church workers and lay Christians. All of us need to be the arms and legs and mouth of Jesus for you.

"You're right — when any of us Christians clearly see our condition as poor, miserable sinners who have sinned against God in thought, word, and deed, deserving nothing but his temporal and eternal punishment, we don't need any more law. You put it pretty directly — all we need as penitent sinners is the hope that somewhere there is someone who is a friend of sinners.

"Well, Joe, I'm here to tell you that there is such a someone, and you know him very well. That's probably why you keep coming to church. Jesus Christ is, of course, the greatest friend of sinners. He was always found with sinners during his earthly ministry — that's part of the reason they nailed him to the cross, you'll remember. The good and upright people who considered themselves godly couldn't understand what a nice guy like Jesus was doing hanging around with prostitutes and public sinners. So let's be honest — a lot of us church people act just like those Pharisees who turned up their noses at Jesus. And in fact, when you come asking for bread, we offer you a stone instead. You're looking for hope and encouragement, and all we ever seem to offer you is warning and condemnation.

"You must remember, of course, Joe, that we pastors can't fail to give a warning and a clear prohibition against same-sex behavior. There are a lot of people in our pews who are confused on this issue, and they need to know what is right and wrong. They need the clear moral teaching of God's word on this question, and they need it courageously. But you, and so many others like you, need something else. You already know and believe God's law, but you're starving for the gospel. You're not asking for encouragement to continue sinning, but you're looking for affirmation and encouragement in your struggle against sin. You need a friend. And I apologize that many times we have given the impression in the church that we're not interested in you, and in the pain that you're in — that we couldn't be bothered to hear about what you suffered as a victim of the cruelty of so many uncaring people, sadly including the cruelty of many who confess the name of Christ.

"So, Joe, here's the long and the short of it, in five clear statements.

"First, you need to know that Jesus Christ is the friend of sinners par excellence. He bore the sins of the whole world in his own body, including yours, and he took them all away with him into his death. And now, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation — that includes you. In Jesus there is forgiveness for all your sin, sexual or otherwise.

"Second, you need to know that when Jesus forgives, he frees. Not only does he put away God's condemnation for your sin, but he also puts away sin's bondage. According to scripture, every sinner is a sin addict — he craves his sin of choice, he thinks he needs to engage in that sin, to indulge it, in order to go on living. And yet every time he indulges that urge, he falls deeper and deeper into the vicious cycle of addiction, remorse, and self-loathing, which drives him to dull his incredible pain by indulging his sin some more. But Jesus breaks that cycle. He intervenes when our sins oppress us. He says, 'I will reverse that. I'll be the sinner — you go free.'

"But third, you need to know that Jesus does not free you all at once. That's the way it is with us recovering sin addicts — our recovery is one day at a time, each and every day, for as long as we live. We need cleansing. As Jesus once claimed you as his very own in the waters of baptism, so you return each and every day to that washing, whenever you confess your sins — he is faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Each day, then, the old Adam — that's your sinful nature — is drowned and dies together with all sins and evil lusts, and every day a new man emerges and rises to live before God in righteousness and innocence. Unfortunately, the old Adam swims very well, and that's why constant vigilance and continued faith is necessary.

"Fourth, you're not alone. This salvation thing is not a do-it-yourself project. You can't save yourself, and you can't clean up your act on your own. Willpower just won't break the power of sin. Transformation and renewal is required, and this transformation and renewal is accomplished by the Holy Spirit within Christ's church. Daily and richly, in his church, the Holy Spirit not only forgives all your sins, but calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies you together with the whole church on earth. You're not alone — you have countless brothers and sisters who care for you.

"And that's the fifth point, and frankly, after listening to you, I think this is the most important point. We need each other. There's strength in numbers. As scripture teaches, the Christian church is like the human body — when one member, one part, suffers, the rest of the body suffers with it; when one member is honored, the whole body rejoices. And so we bear each other's burdens as Christians. We need to learn to share those burdens consistently, to weep with those who weep and to rejoice with those who rejoice, and in that way our sorrows are divided while our joys are multiplied. And so we need to offer each other a listening ear and a compassionate heart, starting with me. I want to be your companion on this journey, because we're all in this together.

"And finally, Joe, I need to tell you this. These things I've been talking about here — they're not just ideas. They may sound like religious ideas, nice thoughts, but nothing more. But let me tell you — God is a person, and in the church he offers himself to you. Jesus Christ promised that wherever two or more of his followers are gathered, there he himself is personally present. So please don't think about these five things as abstract ideas — they are glorious realities. There's more here than meets the eye. We can't detect these realities with our senses, but they are nonetheless real.

"The very same Jesus, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried, descended into hell, and on the third day rose again from the dead, ascended into heaven, and now sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty — this very Jesus gives himself to you in his word and Holy Sacrament. And he will not abandon you. And we won't either."

Now, that's a brief outline of what I would say to Joe. It would certainly not be a lecture, but a back-and-forth conversation — those are the areas I would want to touch on. But in the remaining time, I'd like us to reflect on what I've just presented, in good Lutheran fashion, asking the question: what does this mean?

First, I think it means we need to be clear on the law. But we also need to be crystal clear on the gospel — both of those. That means we do not shrink from spelling out God's prohibition against homosexual activity. This is rooted in the deepest and most profound meaning of what it means to be male and female, created in God's image and likeness. Men and women are designed for the procreation and nurture of children within God's holy estate of marriage, which is the lifelong bodily union of man and woman. This union, according to Christian teaching, is the earthly picture of the true union and communion of the true bridegroom, Jesus Christ, and his true bride, his holy church. And that is why, fundamentally and essentially, for the Christian, same-sex unions are forbidden and same-sex marriages are impossible.

Now, true, of course, not all are married. Some Christians never find a spouse, some choose not to have a spouse, some are widowed, sadly some are divorced — but the same standard holds true for us all, and that is the standard the apostle gave to the Christians in Corinth: flee from sexual immorality. We're called to fidelity within marriage and abstinence apart from it, and this is both our duty and our privilege, because we are faithful to Jesus, our heavenly bridegroom. It's the universal calling of the God who made us male and female. Our sexual identity is not a matter of biology, of certain appendages to our bodies or different plumbing — it's our most basic vocation, a holy calling, to use our masculinity or femininity in service of the neighbor as a faithful child of God, leading a chaste and decent life, whether we are single or married.

That's the law. It's the law of God. It's not a matter of hatred or bigotry against the minority of people who live a different lifestyle — it's a matter of faithfulness to the God who made us all. So we need to clearly teach this law to one another, and I would add, especially to our children, since there's so much confusion on these matters. The law of God is for our good. And yet, while we all know that the law serves a constructive purpose in telling and teaching us what is pleasing to God and good for mankind, in the end, because we are all sinners, the law always ends up accusing us. So remember, every time you're providing the clear boundaries that God provides in his law, that same law never fails to condemn every sinner who steps outside those boundaries.

So let's be equally clear on the gospel — perhaps even more so. For the truth is, we all daily sin much, and indeed deserve nothing but God's wrath and punishment. Joe, you'll remember, found no consolation in the clear teaching of the law — that's because he was already contrite, already a broken sinner, and he was determined to live a life of abstinence and purity before God. Reminding us repeatedly of the stern prohibitions of God against sin does not improve our lives. Only the blessed gospel of Jesus Christ provides hope and the promise that we are not doomed to an endless cycle of sin, remorse, and more sin. When Jesus spoke to the woman caught in adultery, he broke in and said, "Neither do I condemn you — go and sin no more." In that word of absolution, we are freed not only from the guilt of sin, but also from its enslaving power.

So, a word to the pastors — make sure that each and every sermon you preach contains not only the unflinching and faithful proclamation of God's judgment against all sin in every unrepentant sinner, but also the powerful proclamation of Jesus Christ and him crucified, our only hope and consolation. This is important — never just preach about Jesus, preach Jesus. That is, make sure your gospel is full-bore — the vicarious satisfaction, the substitutionary atonement — namely, that Jesus has taken upon himself, and into himself, the full burden of our sin and its power to enslave, and then he bursts the bonds of sin, and by his suffering and death and burial, and his glorious resurrection from the dead, he has broken the back of death itself. Just as once in history he took our sin on himself at the cross, so here and now, by his word and in his sacrament, he wraps us up in his own righteousness and holiness, and he gives us, wonder of wonders, he gives us his own life to live.

Now there's hope for the hopeless. There's light for those who dwell in darkness. There is healing for all our hurts. There's solace for every fear, and there's courage in our despair. He breathes his life into burdened souls, and his love into crushed and sorrowing hearts. And remember, he demonstrates that love not just abstractly, but through people. So see to it that those who take up the cross of self-control and chastity know and experience for themselves God's gift of deep and abiding friendship within Christ's church. They're not left alone to fight their solitary battles, but they have the companionship of genuine brothers and sisters in faith to listen to their hurts, to encourage and support them with their love and with their prayers.

Teachers, deaconesses, other church workers — make sure that every child understands very clearly that God made them, and he has given them their eyes, their ears, and yes, all their members. Let them understand from the get-go that their bodies are not an accident, but they are created, specially, by God, through their parents, and that since they are bought with a price, they have the privilege of glorifying God by the proper use of their bodies, which are, by holy baptism, the temples of the Holy Spirit. Let them learn, in an age-appropriate way, the great mystery of creation by which God joins man and woman in holy matrimony, through them to create still other persons in his own image and likeness. Let them see in you, and watch in you, and learn from you, what it means to respect and honor each other's bodies, and not to demean and ridicule others who don't look like us or act like us.

To those of you who are parents and grandparents — and this is where I come in, because I have three grandchildren, I'm very invested in this topic — it's never been easy to raise children in a morally perverse and corrupt world, but these days present a special challenge. Now, we cannot, and I would suggest we ought not, shield our children from every exposure to sin in the world. We need to impress on them, as they grow, that Christians live differently from the world around them — not as a means of making themselves holy or acceptable to God, but rather keeping holy what God himself has declared to be holy.

It's your duty as parents and grandparents not only to nurture the children entrusted to you, but to guard them as well. No self-respecting mother or father would put unhealthy or poisonous food into their children's bodies, and so we need to be alert to what kind of influence is put into their minds and hearts by the constant torrent of impurity that is dished out in the name of entertainment. The rising tsunami — and I will call it that — of smut and pornography will not engulf them if they are equipped, from a young age, to make key distinctions between godliness and ungodliness, healthy sexuality and unhealthy sexuality.

And so it's our job to teach children to speak the truth in love regarding homosexual behavior. Let them learn from us, and see in us, the clear and unequivocal message that while the world around us may be trying to normalize gay sex and same-sex marriage, this is not in harmony with God's design. At the same time, let's model for them compassion and kindness for those who actively engage in homosexual behavior, as well as those who wrestle with sexual desire toward their own sex. Let's teach the children there's no room for bullying, ridicule, or physical aggression toward gays. Let's show our children how people who are spiritual gently correct those who are caught up in sins of any sort. Let them see in us truth without rancor, support without smugness, and above all, a forgiving heart toward all who turn from their sin.

There are a lot of Joes and Joleens in our congregations, more than you would ever know. And while we need to say no to those who want to normalize and endorse same-sex erotic behavior and same-sex marriage, we, as Christians, have a lot more to say than just "no." There are a lot of people who are suffering silently with this temptation because they assume that you and I would reject them, that we would judge them, if we found out the nature of their struggle. They need our friendship and our understanding. You heard Joe — they crave the kind of help that only we can bring, and we are uniquely equipped to bring it.

Before I close, I want to give you just one more piece of communication that I have in writing from Joe. He tells me there are few refuges left in the Christian world for Christians like himself who are determined to lead an abstinent life while attracted to members of their own sex. Church after church has caved in, as we know, to the same-sex marriage bandwagon and openly gay sexual relationships. The conservative churches, of whatever stripe — he includes Lutheran, Reformed, the Anglican Church, and Roman Catholics, to be certain, and also the Eastern churches — have been so caught up in fighting the same-sex attraction juggernaut that we've failed to bring a word of gospel and encouragement to those who struggle.

And I'm quoting him: "The only people who really listen to what our church says are those who, like myself, are homosexuals who believe it's wrong to have sex outside of lifelong committed marriage to a partner of the opposite sex. We listen to what you have to say, hoping to hear that we are forgiven — not that pastors or presidents or officials want to forgive us, or that Christ might forgive us, but that Christ has paid for our sin on the cross, and that he loves us, even if, to everyone around us, we are perverted abominations." Unquote.

That's the challenge — to speak the truth, but to speak it in love. To say no to those who would compromise biblical teaching on sexuality, but to say more than no. To bring healing to wounded souls, like the Joes and Joleens in our churches who suffer silently because they're afraid to approach us, to bring hope and consolation to people in our families and congregations who are quietly suffocating in their solitary prisons.

We have come to the kingdom for such a time as this. We have a gospel that frees and heals, and that makes whole again what seems to have been irretrievably broken. Our duty and privilege is to be the mouth and hands and feet of Jesus, to speak his word of forgiveness, consolation, and hope, and, in the words of Isaiah, to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.

Thanks for listening.