Speak up! Promoting Sexual Virtue and Biblical identity from Generation to Generation

Transcript (edited for readability).

Dr. Lucas Woodford is president of the Minnesota South District. Minnesota South. Yeah, great. And he has served — this is his first term serving in that capacity — so pray for him often. We do. He's also a member of the Doxology Collegium, which I like to call the remedial students of theology and pastoral care. So we get extra classes, extra tutoring. He's got his Doctor of Ministry on, well, on the carousels, particularly with the Great Commission. His book, Great Commission, Great Confusion, or Great Confession — a beautiful book. And he's also the co-author, with Dr. Harold Senkbeil, of The Care of Souls and Pastoral Leadership in the Lexham Ministry Guide series, which is edited, by the way, by Dr. Senkbeil. There are going to be dozens of volumes in that series that are going to be wonderfully helpful. And your book on pastoral leadership is just outstanding and a great help to many. So please join me in welcoming Dr. Lucas Woodford.

Thank you. All right, we will see how well this goes with a competing noise going on. Dave, would you give me, like, a five-minute reminder when I've got about five minutes left in the session, just to remind me? So we'll press forward as best we can, given this, and once the sound stops, we will rejoice.

What I have for you — I'll give some logistics first before pressing forward. In your folder, if you would like to take a look at that, there's an outline that I have for you that you can follow along. I have things up on the screen for you as well. One of the goals I like to pursue: when I was in the congregation, as I still am, I sort of pastor a local parish as well — people like to take things away, to know what practical things they can do. So that's outlined there, and we'll go through it on particular points of what you can do. You'll see that listed throughout the outline: what you can do, specific steps.

Likewise, I want to make sure now to highlight where I'd like to make sure we end up. At the end you'll see an appendix. In the appendix, you have an example of parent partnership workshops that we have implemented for a number of years in my congregation and parochial school, as well as carrying-conversation tips: how do you talk to your children about sexuality, about modesty? We have these partnership workshops for our parents to help equip them on a number of the things that I'll be talking about today. So those resources are there for you, and I'll unpack them a little bit as time avails as we go throughout the outline this afternoon.

So we're going to begin first with: who am I? Because I approach this particular topic from multiple vocations. I am certainly first a child of God, baptized and claimed in the waters of Holy Baptism by Christ. So I approach the challenges of our culture with that in mind. But I'm also a husband to Becca for 23 years. And so I approach it as a husband. I'm also a father, a father to six children, and this recent couple of months, we just found out — surprise, at 45 years old — a seventh is now on the way. And so, seven children. Yes. So we rejoice in those vocations as well.

I'm one of those pastors who likes to rejoice when the sound stops. Wonderful. I am one of those pastors who does give his children some interesting names at times. I like studying languages, especially Greek. So my oldest daughter is Isabella — that's not too outside the norm. Bella, we call her. She's 17. Then Thaddeus, he's named after, of course, one of the disciples. Then Alethia — that's simply the Greek word for truth. Then, excuse me, Ekklesia. We call her Clesey. That's a Greek word for church. Then Soteria — that's the Greek word for salvation. Then my son Titus, again, after Scripture. And then the child yet to be named — we always wait and find out, as we don't know boy or girl; we wait until the day when we find out.

Now, there's a meaning behind their names. Some of you perhaps have heard me give this spiel before, but Isabella means beautiful. Thaddeus can be "of courage." Alethia, truthful. Again, Clesey, Ekklesia, church; salvation for Soteria; and then Titus, honor, a place of honor. So it's beautiful, courageous, truthful church of salvation, which it's an honor to talk about, and the confidence of Christ. And so that's what I'm doing here today, mindful of the challenges that we face. As we do so, I know I face them also in my vocations — as a child of God, as a husband, as a father, also as a pastor, and district president or bishop. And so we're looking at the multiple layers of it.

It's an opportunity, though, for us this afternoon to talk about how we pass on the confidence of this faith and speak up in proclaiming and promoting sexual virtue and biblical identity from generation to generation. That's often what's on our mind — as my mind is a parent, perhaps yours as a grandparent or parent as well. How do we promote that, encourage that, and then equip parents and our children with the biblical knowledge of going forward in the confidence of the faith and knowing God's Word confidently?

So to do that, we're going to start first with a quote from the Scriptures. You'll see, from Ephesians chapter 5, verses 25 to 27 and verses 32 to 33. If you want to look in your Bibles, you can. If you can't read it up here — it does go a little bit low, my apologies — but I'll read it for you. It says: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." And, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." And then Paul says, "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."

So this is the framework that I'd like to look at when we talk about matters of sexual virtue and biblical identity and what it means to be a family from a Christian perspective. With this as the backdrop, we understand — and I think it's important — that Paul does not use marriage as a metaphor to understand the gospel. Rather it's the other way. He uses the gospel to clarify marriage and the beauty and splendor of the one-flesh union of husband and wife, and, as an icon, the image of God that we've been created in. And so in that, of course, is the baptismal confidence we have of what Christ has done for his bride, the church, that he has washed by the water and the Word. And so that gives us a confidence, a framework for us to utilize when we think about how we address these things with our people — whether you're a pastor in a congregation, or whether you're a parent or a grandparent in your home or a parochial school, or even talking about it with fellow Christians. It gives us a confidence to be able to deal with the challenges of a disordered world, in the confidence of the ordered Word of God and his creation, and the redemption he has given to us and delivered to us in the water and Word of Holy Baptism.

So in your outline, you see part B, and I'll move along here just so we can keep time and keep digging in further and further. But here, that Bible verse — Matthew 28, verse 19, a familiar one — in the waters of Holy Baptism, God has named you and claimed you as his very own child, and he's done so in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. In other words, he's given you a specific identity from a Christian perspective.

And here I want to make sure we heard — wonderful Dr. Anderson gives us such a wonderful explanation of things, how we can engage people, particularly using reason and logic and common sense, which isn't so common anymore. It's an opportunity to bolster that with our Christian understanding of things as well. So what I'm talking about now is particularly from a conversation of Christian to fellow Christian — someone who takes the Word of God as authoritative and abides by it and finds their understanding of who they are as God's creatures, created in the image of God, as one who has been redeemed by Christ the crucified and his shed blood. So when we're dealing with those who aren't Christians, we'll need a different route of engagement and conversation. Right now, what I'm dealing with is: how do you pass on this faith in your home from generation to generation, particularly in matters about sexuality and identity?

And it begins for us with understanding where we've been claimed by Christ in the waters of Holy Baptism. And here it's a baptismal virtue ethic that flows from it. I summarize it in those two points there that say: whose you are determines who you are and then what you do. In other words, identity informs behavior and action. And this is so important when we're dealing with Christians — for example, who might have gender dysphoria, or who might be tempted by same-sex attraction or engaged in a same-sex relationship. And they want you to take their identity based upon that particular behavior. If we're dealing with fellow Christians, we take them on their baptismal identity and speak of that flowing forth from there.

As pastors, we talked yesterday at our pre-conference for pastors about how we give pastoral care to those who want you as a pastor to take their identity based on their sexual orientation, while at the same time holding to the truth of God's Word. Rather than letting them set the terms of engagement, we do — because if they're abiding by God's Word and have been claimed by Christ in the waters of Holy Baptism, that's the identity we begin with. And that identity then gives character, and character then behavior and particular action.

And so to help us verify that, look at letter B, under point B. So, "Jesus unites himself to you." Galatians 3:27: "For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ." You're united to Jesus. He is the one who gives you your identity. Let us see: baptism is the beginning of Christ at work in you. Again, Paul says, there in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." In other words, Christ is at work in us, baptismally given to us, and he leads us in our identity, giving us his character, leading a life that's virtuous because he gives us his virtue by faith, and we enact that in our life, even as we deal with the challenges of our fallen, broken, sinful self.

Baptism then connects you to the death and resurrection of Christ. Romans 6, verse 4: "We were buried, therefore, with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." And this is the great confidence that Christians have in this life, but also as our life and our bodies wear out and die. As Jesus went through death, he's there ahead of us, sanctifying, hallowing all graves, so that we look forward to the resurrection. We are united with him in his resurrection. Again, baptismal blessings that we have.

And so for us Lutherans, our Lutheran approach — this particular part is part four of Luther's Small Catechism. When we catechize, certainly we understand that baptismal life, but it has a very particular importance as we deal with sexual identity trends and transgenderism. It gives us that ethic as well as that confidence. So, Small Catechism, under Baptism, part four, where we had to learn and memorize: "What does such baptizing with water indicate? It indicates that the Old Adam in us should, by daily contrition and repentance, be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires, and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever." In other words, it's the daily assessment of our life. We are sinners. We recognize that, so we confess those sins. But it's that we are also simultaneously not just a sinner, but a saint, having been claimed by Christ, baptized in his name. His name is upon us. And so this gives us great confidence of how we can deal with these challenging times.

The Large Catechism, again, says: "Every Christian has enough in Baptism to learn and to do all his life." In other words, Christian identity and character are rooted in Christ and in his virtues through Baptism. Now, this is the framework that I'm setting up so that we have the fallback to understand how we deal with these things in the midst of a culture and friends or grandchildren who are wrapped up in the midst of not only temptations toward this, but maybe have given in to it. And now that's part of their lifestyle.

And this is important, that we deal with and recognize how all sin is dealt with. The reality is, of course, that all sin is equally condemning before God. But, you see, all sin is not equally defiling. Sins of the body defile more because the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. And so such sin defiles that temple, and therefore cleansing is needed, because it has desecrated the holiness that Christ has given to us. And therefore, a regular return to those waters of Baptism, as well as the body and blood of Christ, again, receiving that holiness over and over again, to cleanse us and our bodies. Because the devil and his demons are like vultures. You see them swirling about — why? Oftentimes because they smell a foul dead carcass, and they're flocking to it. That's what the devil and Satan's demons do with our sin. It's like putting off a stench, a foulness. And so they afflict us and tempt us all the more, and therefore we need cleansing, especially of the body.

So this is the backdrop that we have and the confidence that we have as we're going to dig in now to all the challenges and the trends that are going on within our culture. But again, we do so from the confidence of the Word of God. And it's so important for us to remember that in the midst of all the challenges that we have. It's easy, certainly, to get down and to become frustrated and to feel like there's darkness all around. But rather than simply sitting and cursing the darkness, we can light a match and let the light of Christ shine in the midst of it, because he is the light no darkness can overcome.

And so, with that confidence, we are therefore, for the family, not just simply against this sin or that sin, against this movement or that movement — we are for the family. It's much harder for critics to come after us if we're simply saying, "Well, why are you upset with me for being for fathers and mothers who are present with their children? Why are you upset with me for wanting husbands and wives to be faithful to each other, to stand together?" So we are for the family, and for what it means to be a man and a woman created in God's image and to raise a family. So we stand confidently on that truth.

And to help us understand that, we recognize the Scriptures that it's based upon. Genesis 1 and 2 give us the framework. What I like to do: look at Genesis 1 — it's the zoomed-out picture. Genesis 2, then, we pull it in; the picture is zoomed in to help us understand how God has created this. And so in the beginning, we have a wedding. Interestingly enough, what do we have at the end of Scripture? A wedding. So it's the beginning — Adam and Eve given in marriage — at the end, Christ and his bride. So it frames it out. And then in the middle, of course, we have how the family is at the core of it, where Jesus is born into a family, born of the Virgin Mary, but into a family, in human flesh, to redeem us. So it's the playing out of salvation through the family.

So here it's creating it: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth." So here — I'll preface this very quickly, and if we have time, I'll come back to it again — we have this command that God gives, the first command: be fruitful and multiply. What does that mean for us in our lives today as Christians who understand that? How do we embrace that in our understanding of life and family today? What might that say in the midst of our technological advances regarding contraception or reproductive technologies? I will unpack that, if we have time, and a lot of the complications that certainly can come with it. And again, I will preface it: I recognize this can be very sensitive for many people, just like talking about sexuality is a very sensitive matter. So I think, though, we have to be brave enough to have the conversation, to talk about what Scripture says, because if we're not talking about it, our children are for sure talking about it, and the internet is talking about it in all kinds of ways. So we have to be intentional and proactive about this, and that's why I lay out other ways of how you can do that, and ways you can have those conversations forthcoming. So we'll come back to it as we have time, regarding the fruitful-and-multiply command and the implications regarding contraception and reproductive technologies.

So then we zoom in. And we get the zoomed-in picture of Genesis 2 here, which goes even more specific. "The man gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

So again, a few brief comments, and then you'll see on the outline there are seven distinct realities that were created from this creation account. First, these bodies that were created — God said what about them? He's creating everything along the way, and after each day he calls it good. And then he creates these bodies of male and female, and he says it's very good. So very distinct, these that are made in the image of God. And then, of course, within it, he sees that it's not good for man to be alone, so he creates a helper fit for him. And then notice Adam's response here. The man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." In other words, there is a healthy, inherent — from the beginning — sexual desire, but not in the perverse sense, rather in the complementary sense of what God has created for Adam. And desire is present.

Again, part of when we talk about these things: I understand culture and society has taught us to think about sexuality in a perverse, erotic-only way, where it's just mechanical and only focused on genitalia, but that's not how God created it originally. It's much broader than that. And even, of course, if it's just genitalia, when we as Christians are talking about it, remember, what did God say about it? It's very good. He was the one who created it. So bodies are created; God saw it was very good. Marriage is defined — marriage here being one man, one woman, one-flesh union, complementary, lifelong, monogamous.

Likewise, vocations are established. And this is especially important for us: the vocation of being male and female. We'll look at it as we have time, just a little bit. First article, the Apostles' Creed: "I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth." What does this mean? "I believe that God has created me and my body, given me all my members and all my senses." That includes the fullness of our bodies, all their reproductive systems and how he has designed it intentionally. And there is a vocation of being male and female, biblically speaking. Likewise, the vocation of being a husband and a wife, the vocation of being a father and a mother. So sexuality, of course, is created; procreation is blessed; modesty is affirmed; and family is ordered. And so those are the elements, the realities, that God has created with these two accounts.

We'll dig in a little bit more — just a brief sideline again on celebrating — sorry, I should have forwarded that — but celebrating vocation. Again, from the Small Catechism, simply the Table of Duties, where Luther gathers up all the scriptural passages about responsibilities for these vocations, a reminder to us. Likewise, again, about that first article, the theology of the body: what does God's creation of the human body actually tell us about God? Wonderful things to be learned, if we have time; we'll come back to that a little bit.

But the vocation, then, of parents — the absolute significance of the role of parents in raising children and teaching them the truth, but particularly also about God's created view of sexuality. Oftentimes — I was in the parish 15 years before becoming a district president, and still remain in the parish — but over time I'd get calls from other congregations that would ask me for an interview. I'd say, "Okay, sure," and we'd talk a little bit. And then they'd have a question: "We've got this youth program, but we need you to come and help save our youth program. What are you going to do? What's the magic bullet to come and save our youth program?" And I'd say, "Look, I've got a fantastic thing that, 90 percent of the time, if this is done, the youth program grows and kids are present in church, very active and getting all excited." And they'd wonder, "What is it?" I said, "We focus on their parents and have ministry to their parents and make sure their parents are in church." In other words, a fantastic youth program is often only as attractive as as much pizza and pop as we can provide them, and when that runs out, then they're off to find the other pizza and pop. We need, of course, the role of parents — the absolute significance of parents having caring conversations with their children in their vocation, being intentional about it, not taking off their plate and putting onto someone else the teaching of the faith. But it's complementary with the church, that parents' role.

So this is what Luther had to say about the role of parents: "In all the world this is the noblest and most precious work, because to God there can be nothing dearer than the salvation of souls. Most certainly, father and mother are apostles, bishops, and priests to their children, for it is they who make them acquainted with the gospel. In short, there is no greater or nobler authority on earth than that of parents over their children, for this authority is both spiritual and temporal." So it's the understanding of the absolute importance of the parents' role in the faith life of their children, particularly, of course, in understanding sexuality and God's order and design from a biblical perspective.

So one of the things, then, of course, as we teach confirmation, the Small Catechism — just reminders — the head of the household should teach in a simple way. Now, sometimes this assumes that if the husband is there, that's the head of the household. What do we do with single-parent families in the church? How do we treat them? How do we embrace them, love them, come alongside them, to encourage them? Being a single parent is hard. Regardless of how they got there, regardless of whether we disagreed with it if they went through a divorce, or however they became a single parent — if we value and care for them as our neighbor, we want to come alongside them and care for them as well as their children. And so, making sure that they're being taught the faith. So it might be that the head of the household is a single mom.

And, for example, again, as a pastor on Sunday mornings, I'm up at church, busy and active there. And so my wife is essentially a single parent on those mornings. It's hard getting six kids out the door with all their shoes on. Oftentimes they're late because someone lost a shoe, they forgot their Bible, someone's going back — it's hard. Can we have compassion on parents in general, come alongside, encourage them, but especially single parents?

So things that you can do, then: have some caring conversations. On the outline, you see: be intentional as a parent, having caring conversations with kids of all ages about how God creates the family through the one-flesh union, orders the family through the vocations of husband, wife, and children, and sustains the family through the vocations of father, mother, and siblings. So how might you do that? Simple ways: having an intentional caring conversation, and oftentimes it can be in a captive environment. If you're taking your kids somewhere in the vehicle, or your grandkids, you've got a captive audience. So you can ask them some questions along the way. It might simply be, "Hey, what would you say it means to be a godly man?"

So I've got two boys right now. One is fourteen, one is four, both at fundamentally different levels of cognition and understanding and maturity. And so how I engage with my 14-year-old is not the same as how I engage with my four-year-old — likewise with each of my four daughters. But if it's for Thaddeus — here's the routine whenever I leave. Thaddeus is my 14-year-old. Whenever I leave, even though I have an older daughter, who's 17, I say, "Thaddeus, Dad's leaving now. I'm heading out the door. Okay, what does that mean?" "It means I'm the man of the house." "What's the man of the house do?" "He's a man of action." And so he repeats it back. "What does a man of action mean?" "He protects his family." And so that's just a regular thing — when I'm leaving — where I'm teaching him that he steps up.

So I go to my oldest daughter, Bella, 17. I said, "Bella, Dad's leaving now. What does that mean?" "I'm the oldest." "What does that mean?" "I have responsibility to help and be a leader in the home and come alongside Mom." So it's those things, understanding at various levels, caring conversations. They see me doing it with the younger kids and doing it with the older kids. It takes intentionality, but you have to do it. Likewise, then, the same conversation: if some of the older kids are gone, then I talk to Alethia or Clesey, who's next in line, and have the same types of conversations with them. But what does it mean, again, to be a godly man or godly woman? What does it mean to be a husband or father, or a godly woman, wife, or mother?

The same deal about encouraging them: what do you look for in a potential spouse? So I'm having those conversations now with my older two children. What do you want to look for in a spouse? Culture teaches us: just base it on looks, base it on materialism, wealth, or money. Rather, we look at: what type of behavior do they display? Do they love Jesus? How do they talk about their mother, for example, if it's a young man? How do they talk about their family? Would they be a good parent? What are their characteristics? So teaching them to think about those things — that's intentional, caring conversations.

The parent partnership workshops that we have in our congregation — that's what we would walk the parents through, to help equip them to think strategically about that at the various ages that their children might be at. And we can have these conversations as soon as children are able to have a two-word or one-word conversation with them, but at age-appropriate levels, and we continue to layer it, as they age, with more depth and understanding. We'll talk a little bit more about that in "how do I talk to my kids about sexuality." So it's practicing caring conversations.

So this has all been the backdrop about our confidence of what we can do. Because now I'm going to address a lot of some of what you've already heard: the challenges in our culture. And so, what are the challenges to God's design of sexuality in the family? First, we have this altered view of sexuality. It's your right, now, in our culture — everything is being looked at in terms of how sex is going to be integrated into your life. Gabriele Kuby has a book, The Global Sexual Revolution. It's not just in the American culture; it's being advocated for globally right now — that sex is not a mutual self-giving to a spouse, but simply the entitlement of your personal, momentary gratification with the person or thing of your choice. That's what you are entitled to. And so the older view of sexuality is now separated from marriage and family. It's something individual you're entitled to. And, again, forgive my explicitness with us — it's just, I've talked a long time, so I just deal with it as it is — but it's essentially the "right" that they think you're entitled to: the orgasm of your choice. And so they pull it apart from the procreative act. In fact, the procreative act is viewed as a hindrance to sexual fulfillment. And so as Christians, though, we have to recognize, of course, sexuality is much deeper, much greater than simply a momentary time of gratification.

Now, part of this — we can track this over the last 120 years, of course; we don't have time this morning, we've done it in other settings — but it began with the sexual revolution and even precursors to that: Margaret Sanger, and even Freud prior before that, and then it continued to explode upon our culture, at least in the 1960s, with the advent of the birth control pill. Now there was the possibility — at least the belief, but a misbelief — that sex could be had without consequences. Formerly the consequence was that a child was born. Now it became acceptable, once the idea was brought in by the advent of the birth control pill, that there weren't any consequences, that a man didn't have to stay around anymore. And so that fundamentally altered the understanding of family and began the route and trajectory where sex was viewed simply as a personal entitlement of gratification with a person or thing of your choice.

One of the other challenges we have is that the average age of marriage is increasing in our culture. So, with the materialism going on, people are waiting until longer and longer to get married in our culture, which then, of course, affects the birth rate, because biologically a female's body is designed to have a peak time for reproduction, and they are foregoing that in lieu of careers and pushing that forward. So the average age of marriage is increasing.

Likewise, divorce rates are increasing. One of the primary impacts of that is no-fault divorce. Interestingly enough, the first state to implement no-fault divorce was California — that's not surprising — but it was under Governor Ronald Reagan, in 1970. And interestingly, the last state of all states to implement no-fault divorce, if I'm remembering right, was New York, and I think it was around 2010. But the devastation of no-fault divorce has wreaked havoc on the family. And so, essentially, no-fault divorce says one person has become dissatisfied in the relationship, they can go file, and now they can leave. Invariably, that has had an impact in your life in some way, or your congregation in some way. It's fundamentally altered our understanding and view within culture of marriage.

Sadly, I deal with this even as I oversee 245 congregations, and therefore about 450 pastors, and about 600 church workers — teachers and deaconesses. Within that, divorce certainly impacts pastors as well. And in one case, multiple children were involved, but the wife has said, "I want out," and because it's Minnesota, a no-fault divorce state, he can't do anything about it. He can plead. He said, "I do not agree with this. We can work this out. Let's try it." Nope. No-fault divorce does not force couples to come back together to try and reconcile. There are lots of statistics and studies — even John Gottman, in his marriage apartments, looked at those — that if they would have just waited for the frustration to pass, then they would have stayed together, but because no-fault divorce made it simple and easy, they proceeded with the divorce.

How will we, as the church, come alongside — not just simply to say, "No, divorce is not right," but to come alongside and help and encourage couples going through struggles? Here's the reality: of course, salvation is by grace. But I'll borrow this from Jean Senkbeil, Hal's beloved, who right now is convalescing in extended hospice care. She has often said, "Salvation is by grace. Marriage is by works." And that's fundamentally true, of course, right? Because we have to work at it. It is hard. How will we, as a church, come alongside couples in the midst of that and encourage them? And then the devastation, of course, that that takes on children who are ripped apart when Mom and Dad go through divorce. And then, where does grace and forgiveness come into play in restoring them within a community of faith?

Likewise, again, a challenge: single parents. So we've got absent fathers and children born out of wedlock. We've heard a lot about that already. Same-sex marriage is now a legal right. Same-sex couples, of course, are adopting children. So we do have to be mindful — again, how will we stand firm on the truth of God's Word about what sin is, but also compassionately give care?

So, for example, my new congregation I'm serving — the first funeral I did at this was for an older woman. She'd married her husband; they're members. They had a daughter. The daughter is married to another woman. And so I was just coming in, picking up the situation as the pastor had left — my senior pastor had left — and I was coming into the situation, trying to figure it out. And I was serving certainly the husband in the midst of grief, and the funeral that was going on. But I had to begin making arrangements with the daughter, who was the oldest, and I wasn't at first aware of it, but then found out she's married to another woman and wasn't a member of the congregation. So sure enough, she came to the committal site as well, and we worked out what was going to be done. I was ministering to the whole gathering, the group that had come there grieving the loss of this beloved woman who trusted in Christ for salvation.

So my goal and intent was not to try and get into a big debate with her about the wrongness of same-sex marriage or the sin she was in. It's not that I haven't had conversations like that. We as Christians have to be savvy enough to know the context we're in and when it will be advantageous for us to have that conversation. However, afterward, at the meal, I did intentionally go sit by her and her wife at the meal, so I could have a conversation and engage with them and they could find out — because her wife, again, was very antagonistic, was trying to rouse me up and engage me in the conversation, and my philosophy is always trying to kill them with kindness and get the opportunity to speak the word of Christ when they're ready to hear it. And it may not be at that exact time. So my point is, we still have to be compassionate as we are standing on the truth of God's Word, and loving as we engage this.

And so, of course, the brother — he is single, but has a daughter who would be in confirmation class, in my class — so certainly she's impacted by having two aunts, and I have to be mindful of how she will see me, because she was sitting right across from me at the same time. How will she see me interacting? And how will that communicate regarding the truth of the gospel? Or will she, as many young kids are thinking, believe it's only political — that you're aligning yourself with a political group rather than the truth of the gospel? Same-sex marriage — recognize that.

Fertility rate. I'll briefly talk about this here, but there are significant elements that we could dig deeper into, again if we have time, but the fertility rate decline is significant, at least within the West, for sure. 2.1 is what you need to sustain a culture at replacement levels. You can't have 0.1 of a person; it just means every tenth family has three kids. So two children per family, and every tenth one has a third, to maintain and sustain a population. Demographers have been concerned because of the demographic implosion, because the fertility replacement levels in the West, particularly in Europe, and now also in the U.S., are below 2.1. In some European countries, it's as low as 1.1. In the U.S., it's down to 1.9. The Hispanic and Latino population, immigration coming in, has elevated it a little bit. Jonathan Last has a great book — an older book now — What to Expect When No One's Expecting. Very interesting; a deep dive into understanding that. And lots of conversations now going on as well about the still-held misbelief that the world is overpopulated. In 1968, The Population Bomb came out and said the world was going to crash and burn in 30 years. Of course, that didn't happen, but that narrative is still being pressed forward. And you saw — let's see — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, now, they were given an award because they have committed to the climate by only having two children. And so they're being applauded for that, because they don't want to tax the environment — feeding that narrative.

Suffice it to say the reality and the challenges, though, even in the church, do impact us. But of course, when we're standing on the Word of God, it does give us pause to think: what does that command, "be fruitful and multiply," mean? And how does that carry us forward in having a family, and the blessing of children that Scripture speaks of, even though it's incredibly hard work — the blessing of family?

So the U.S. and the West are below 2.1 in fertility replacement levels. However, that's not every culture and every dynamic. Any guesses on what ethnicity or culture or religion has a significantly higher fertility rate? Muslims — 8.5. Omar Qaddafi is known to have said, before he died, that Muslims don't need to go to war with the West; they will simply overtake them by sheer numbers within a generation or two. So we're mindful of that and understanding that as we deal with sexuality. This is certainly something that's affecting our culture. I've heard about transgender exploration among teens and adults, the bisexual nature of this — so it's a challenge.

Another challenge is human identity. This is why it's especially important to go back to our baptismal identity when you're dealing with other children — or, as a pastor, when I've had to do this dealing with individuals who are tempted toward same-sex relationships. They want me to engage them based upon what they say is their sexual orientation, and I refuse to do that. I say, "You're a baptized child of God. Let's deal with that. Do you believe that you were baptized, that God loves you, and that he's claimed you?" "Yes." So, if we have that established, and the Word of God is the baseline for us, then we can follow through that logically and work that out — if they are willing to listen. So it's the identity.

One of the challenges my wife and I are dealing with right now: we just moved to our home about a little over two years ago. And our immediate next-door neighbors moved about a year after that, and we got new neighbors who came in. They came in late, just at the late fall, when it was cold last year. And so now, this spring, I started to get to know them a little bit. They have two kids, a 13-year-old girl and a 10-year-old boy. Within the first month of my girls wanting to play with their daughter — the first month, whether it was the very first time or the second time — she came up to them and says (and this is to my six-year-old, my nine-year-old, my twelve-year-old), she says to them, "I'm bisexual. Do you support me? Are you going to support me?" So my 12-year-old — we've been working with her in understanding; she is savvy and understands this. The nine-year-old knows something's not quite right with that. The six-year-old is like, "What?" So, this is being introduced.

And so, all of a sudden, the initial panic — my wife says, "We just moved. Now we've got to move again" — and that's just the protective mama-bear instinct, that, as Dr. Anderson said, we want to be able to engage them. So she and I would talk, and said, "All right, how are we going to work this?" Because our Alethia, the 12-year-old, is solidly founded — she's been confirmed, understands, is very gifted in understanding the Scriptures and academics in general, but also rooted in her faith and loving Jesus and knowing things. Clesey, the nine-year-old, is at that very impressionable age right now, and especially since this girl is 13. And so she certainly knows the truth of Scripture and knows this isn't quite right, but she's willing to listen, because she's impressionable to an older neighbor, just like anyone else. And likewise with the six-year-old.

So we had to set up some practical rules for when interaction was going to occur with this neighbor, because we found out — again, she liked to explore — "Well, maybe I'm transgender too" — and they were playing Barbies, and she kept wanting to come inside to play Barbies, and then began role-playing this, and we quickly said, "Nope, she's not able to come in the house anymore. You can play with her. We want to be neighborly. We've got a small lake in the back, and they have a swim thing that they have lots of fun with and are able to do." But the point was, how do we first protect our kids, but also inform them and equip them, how to interact with their neighbor without being cruel and mean — and "my dad says you're going to hell" type of language, which I would never do, of course? So how do we do that?

So we had to help our six-year-old, for example, with what to say to her. Well, our way of approaching it is: "Your neighbor, she's confused right now, and sadly, it sounds like her parents aren't teaching her what God's Word says. And you're going to experience that a lot. But she's confused, and it's sad, but you understand how God has created you and how he's ordered us and how we're to be, and that's what we're going to abide by. We can still be nice to her, but if she starts talking about this, we need you to leave." And to make sure that happens, the younger two, the six- and nine-year-old, cannot play with her without their older 12-year-old sister present. Because she's very good at understanding, "Nope, we need to go now, guys." The nine-year-old, likewise, is understanding, but she's a little bit more wanting to state what they're talking about — boys. And at 13 years old, they begin, with the other neighbor across the street, then talking about what they're hearing is being done sexually in their school. Again, I'm not surprised by that. In my seventh-grade class — or my high school class, if you will, all the way through — the first girl that was pregnant was 13 years old in my public high school class. So that wasn't surprising to me. But it's how do we come alongside our kids and navigate through the challenges that we experience, particularly among the fads of a bisexual and transgender fad that is going on, of this exploration?

Another challenge: materialism that's increasing. The marketplace is normalizing and mainstreaming some new values. I'm just going to simply show you a few commercials in a moment. I've got five minutes left. Whoa, all right. Never mind. I won't be showing you any commercials. All right, so I got a cruise.

So, likewise, then, sexual morality — secular morality, I should say — virtues are replaced by values, where virtues are constant, but values change, and we have to be mindful of that. So that goes to truth. And our culture right now is all uncertainty about truth. It's relative. It's postmodern. And so it creates the fact-value split, or the idea that "this isn't a person; it might be human, but it's not a person" type of thing.

So how do we do this, and what are we teaching in biblical sexuality? We have to engage in these caring conversations — in other words, that real sex is more than an orgasm, and how do we teach that? We don't need to be going into that type of detail with my two- and three-year-olds. We just simply talk about the natural. My wife is pregnant. The four-year-old says, "How did the baby get in there, Dad?" "Well, one part comes from Dad, one part comes from Mom, and that's how it happens." "Oh, great. Oh, look, a butterfly." And so they're off going after the next thing. You layer that, though, as they get older. Then the six-year-old: "What part, what part comes?" "Well, there's a sperm from a dad and the egg from Mom." "Oh, okay, yeah" — another butterfly, and off they go. Eight years old: "Well, how does it actually get there?" So then you're into the mechanics and understanding of, "All right, you understand, girls, you have your genitals and boys have their genitals. God made them in a way that they fit together, so that it could be delivered that way." "Oh, oh." So you understand how, but we still teach that and understand this is what God has created. It's a wonderful, good gift, but explained as they are able to understand along the way. So we talk to our kids about that.

So you see the tips for this — the resources and the handouts are there for you, and one sheet in there is "How Do I Talk to My Children About Sex?" — the modesty and sexuality, the caring-conversation tips. And these were set up for parents to take home so that they and their spouse can have a conversation first on it, get comfortable talking about it. Sometimes, if they are not used to using the language and calling body parts what they are, they might shrink back in fear. So this is to help and give some biblical references for that. To make sure that happens, in the parent partnership workshops, we would then try to walk them through and have conversations. We'd have about a 15-minute presentation on things, break them out into their parent groups, let them talk about it a little bit — what are they hearing, and what are the challenges based on the age of their children? — and then engage in conversation, come back together in the whole group. That's in the sample outline of that agenda.

So, what can you do? Go back to letter E, number four. What can you do? Speak about the dignity and honor of our God-created bodies with your children. Become comfortable talking about sex positively as a good gift of God, designed for the specific context of marriage. And here we understand that it's more than just a momentary sense of mechanical bodily gratification. Of course, it involves all the senses — eyes, ears, hands, nose, lips, all the senses that God has created — in a self-giving for one another in that relationship.

So, moving forward — we don't have time, it looks like, to jump into the rest of it, but it's looking at modesty, letter F on the next page. How do we deal with modesty? Scripture is full of that in understanding it. Modesty was there at the start, even though they were naked and not ashamed of that, because of an estate of no sin — two persons could be completely open and vulnerable to one another without fear or shame. And the integration then of body and soul was so complete that the body was a full, honest, and genuine expression of the person. Then sin comes, and that vulnerability feels exposed. And so God is the one who covers them, because he recognized that.

And so how do we go about being modest? I've had this conversation for years with my oldest daughter, working that through, and finally came to a point when she was turning 16, turning 17. She was like, "Dad, can I wear this?" And I just said, "You're going to make the decisions from now on. We've talked about this. We've given you the framework of understanding. I'm not here to be the rule enforcer. You understand your body and what God has redeemed and how he's created it. I want you to start using your maturing wisdom. You've got to begin to figure that out, and I'm going to help. Your mom and dad are going to help you along the way." That's a difficult battle, but if we hadn't started early on — because, again, that's one of the challenges with the neighbors and the clothes that they're wearing and the bikinis, if there is much of anything there but dental floss that they're wearing. So that's the challenge we have to work with in parenting.

So what can you do? Number seven: teach female and male toddlers and teenagers alike that their identity is not found in the clothes, or the skin be-clothed, that they wear, but in the baptismal righteousness that covers them. Teach male toddlers and teenagers alike how to train their eyes and how to treat a lady, and humbly model these things. Of course, our world is beset by the pornography world as well. There are all kinds of facts on that, and the great challenge and the great terrible damage it does to marriages. But the reality, of course, is this afflicts many in the church as well. The good news is that there is the forgiveness and righteousness of Christ, who comes and brings cleansing where our eyes have been defiled or where we have given in to temptation.

What can you do? Educate yourself about the dangers of pornography. Certainly talk to your congressman about enforcing the law; the COPA laws are no longer being enforced. Protect your family and the congregation with internet filters, and be vigilant with your kids or grandkids regarding the phones and the digital devices that they're allowed to use, and help them understand what the internet is doing to their brain. One of the things: my daughter, before she could get a phone — and no one could get a phone until they're 14, and you have to earn it in our house — before she could get it, she had to read three books. The first one was on what the internet is doing to your brain, and understanding how digital devices impact you. The second one was a novel — looking on, it was The Hammer of God, understanding law and gospel — so she had to read that, and then we talked about that together. And then it was a dystopian novel, so we could talk about it. So I think she read Fahrenheit 451, so that we could dialogue and work that through. It fits well with our homeschool model of things that we do. But if she wanted that phone, we needed to have that baseline so I could keep coming back to it. And certainly what went into that was the dangers of pornography and what that brings to our hearts and minds.

So, the impact on the family — you can see that last page here. What can you do, though, in the midst of it? We ran out of time to talk about contraceptives and birth control and the nature of what it's done to the family, but as the family goes — as Mary Eberstadt has so wonderfully pointed out — so goes Christianity. And so there's a double helix, a DNA, that goes together. And so we want to be for the family and be very intentional about talking about sexuality and the God-created wonders of our bodies and the sexual union that God has made.

So what can you do, numbers four and five? Look at exploring ways to help fortify the bond of the family and your congregation, serving single folks, as we've talked about. Begin to chew on the implications that contraceptives have upon family formation. As a pastor, I'd always work through the premarital process, and I talked to couples about that. We have an inventory; they fill out compatibility, but also scripturally based, and then we talk about sexuality and contraceptives, and what does God's Word have to say about that?

What can you do, number five? Here's where we go to the core of our faith. We trust the Word of the Lord. We cling to his promises. We pray. Pastors, we can regularly speak to our congregations about love, and likewise about the devastation of divorce, and consequences, and contraceptives. Yesterday we talked about it — and starting a Bible class, maybe starting with your elders, before you just all of a sudden launch it on the whole assembly. If you haven't prepped them for it, they might be taken a little bit aback, but be sure to engage them with that and be intentional about it.

So ultimately, we stand in the light of Christ. He is the light no darkness can overcome. And so we go to where we started, with Ephesians, ending with that. We'll have to skip through all this — sorry — back it up. Starting with where that icon of God's love and the one-flesh union has been given, but we stand having been redeemed and claimed by Christ through the waters of Holy Baptism, and we go forward confident in that faith, because Christ is the light that no darkness can overcome. Thank you.